Once you reach 23, you start to realize that childhood dreams are really a concept you either find terribly hilarious or extremely ironic. Child-like reasons like “I want to be a veterinarian because I love animals” turn into “Wait, I’m not actually smart enough of dedicated enough to go through Vet school.”
When I was in high school, I told myself I was going to be a programmer, and by the time I was halfway through my first semester in college, I realized this just wasn’t going to be a reality. Writing became my solace, and it really wasn’t until I was almost done with my degree that I realized I probably should have invested in a journalism degree if I honestly thought that my talent could be my career. Instead, I pushed my writing to be a hobby and silently hoped that eventually, it would do its thing without me going past writing once a week.
Obviously, this wasn’t realistic. Making a living out of a passion requires so much more, and I’m sure you could ask any starving artist this, and they’d say, “Well, yeah, didn’t you know that?”
LumiScript has been my side project since 2017 following a different failed venture I temporarily became involved with. For my subscribers, I know you’re very familiar with my passion piece on BTS’s sudden breakthrough in the American market, and for a moment, I really saw my dream taking off. I was flooded with messages of love and support by global readers, but somewhere along that path, I stopped listening to Kpop. It just became so much more difficult for me to relate to the audience I had earned if only through one article.
So many of you know that while I had not deactivated LumiScript, I would only come back every now and then when I found something to write about. My well thought-out articles never did as well as the ones I wrote impulsively just because I had all these thoughts running through my head.
Last October, I was approached by a company to start a new website. From where I stood, it looked like things were falling into place. I was no longer a slave to Starbucks and was now working in an office. My stress levels had gone considerably down, and it felt like I was ready to take on a new venture if it meant that this time, I had help.
I don’t think I’ve ever been pushed so hard to the point of wanting to give up.
There is a genuine feeling of authenticity when it comes to my writing. While I never really remember my exact words, when I read my pieces, I know that it’s coming straight from me. Without explaining the exact situation, I was pushed harder than anyone ever should be, and my work suffered. Articles were published, and months later, I’d read through things, and I wouldn’t recognize any of my words.
This was just a sign that the work I was brought on for was not genuine. I take pride in my words and how I can reach out to an audience. Thousands of global strangers related to my articles when I was writing just to pour my thoughts out, but now that I’m writing because a company is telling me to, it all seemed so manufactured. It was almost heartbreaking to feel like I wasn’t just disappointing the readers who already knew me but myself as well.
There was a lesson in this situation.
My passion had turned into work that someone else was trying to squeeze out of me. Instead of my words flowing naturally, it was like my vocabulary had been placed on a conveyor belt, was rinsed and repeated until 30 articles at a thousand words each had been produced.
Your passion should stay your passion. If you can get somewhere in life with your passion and that place you end up makes you satisfied with your choices, then you’ve done the right thing.
I’ve come back to LumiScript full time because this is the site that helped me cultivate my talent. I don’t want to hide behind a curtain of laziness anymore, and I think it’s about time to really buckle down and write what naturally comes to me.
Whether it be blogs of my life or what’s happening in the world, I will run to LumiScript and write until all my thoughts are down on paper.
To you, dear reader, thank you for reading still.