And you know what I have to say to that? As controversial as it may be to the feminist cause—that’s fucking sexist.
In the realm of #MeToo and #BelieveAllWomen/#BelieveWomen, keyboard warriors and the like have effectively erased any and all men who are victims of domestic violence at the hands of female partners. Taking that into consideration, you must know the statistics are not accurate because that fear of not being believed is much more worse for men.
We’ve seen this unfold so many times. If a man says that he was abused, he’s met with “But she’s a woman and you’re stronger.”
Breaking this down would mean: women are just as strong as men except when it comes to abusing men because a man is obviously stronger and wouldn’t let a woman do that.
How many times do we have to keep slipping and subjecting victimhood to a single gender? We can’t have it both ways. Either you believe the victim or you don’t—regardless of gender.
For those who still preach #BelieveAllWomen to defend Amber Heard, what about the other women who are testifying on Johnny Depp’s behalf? What about the hundreds and thousands of women who hear how Amber speaks, see how she moves, and sympathize not with Amber but with Johnny? What about those women? What about those victims who know that eventually the abused fight back and this is not mutual abuse? Mutual abuse is a myth. If abuse is a constant power play, someone has to be the weaker one to take it. After the isolation, the fighting, and the pressure building up, the victim will fight back and then immediately fear the consequences.
It’s not #BelieveAllWomen.
It should never have been #BelieveAllWomen.
It should never be this simple as to put it in a stupid three word hashtag.
Believe the evidence. Believe the one who can’t look at their abuser. Believe the one who has evidence to back it up.
But mostly—stop believing the one who can’t take any of the blame.
I, as a victim, have taken the blame. I’ve taken the blame for not standing up for myself, for not reaching out to others more aggressively, for not realizing how I was withering away. I take the blame for letting that person consume years of my life. I take the blame for not recognizing how this was abuse.
And I know for a fact that the person out there who hurt me isn’t taking any of the blame for anything they did. That’s why I believe Johnny Depp.
Amber Heard is an abuser.